- Harmony -

	Jul. 20th, 2005 @ 02:51 pm

i feel so many new exciting emotions at the moment and some i hardly know what to do with them, you make me so happy little man and as we spend more and more time together i grow to love you more. Your the best thing that has happened to me in a while, im so excited about our relationship where its going and where its gone.
Not long till im back at uni and im looking forward to it but also dreading it, im looking forward to learning and seing my friends but im not looking forward to the long train rides and trying to fit everything in that doesnt want to fit, im enjoying working at Mcds at the moment i wonder how long that will last.
Im scared that my lifes getting comfortable and i dont want it to, i kind of liked the thrill of not knowning what state of mind ill be in time after time.

Im begining to not care so much about you, it doesnt hurt as much as it used to, actualy i lie i do care the same but it doesnt affect me the way it used to.

Life is exciting hey.

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Theres only this, what else.	Jun. 15th, 2005 @ 10:52 am

i had an interesting weekend i wudn say it was good but it wasnt bad, i dont deserve this at the moment i cant fix it and i cant make it go away, i still have the thought in my head the dying and reviving atraction internal and external. Whats going to help? i dont know. I miss my friends the obnes i dont see any more there are so many of them. What to do when things cant even work themselves out anymore. I ask for my dreams to tell me what to do but they havent been clear to me yet, im shore that it will become clear in the end.

Help	May. 30th, 2005 @ 01:49 am

Give me a sighn and tell me where to head, im going through a bit of a rut at the moment and im scared where it will take me, who knows whats going to happen but i wish i did, i cant even write here the way im feeling about you and you because if i let the words out of my mouth it makes them real and im scared of the consequenses if i do, i can feel it but can you ? i love you, not you who im supposed to though.

Current Mood:

confused

sorry	May. 22nd, 2005 @ 06:55 pm

im sorry to you for being judgemenatl and snappy i had no right to be and i wont do it again, i cant explain why i was but im sorry.

im sorry to you for taking our friendship for granted you are so good to me and i continue to be inconsiderate and selfish.

Im sory to you for giving you mixed signals, i dont know how to handle this it all came along out of the blue.

Im soey for being a cow to yu and not giving you the time of day i love you so much you are my favourite person in the world

Im sory for what your going through right now and i hope you no im only down the road if you need me or someone

And mostly im sory to you for not being everything that you deserve, Im sory for being selfish, drunk and a waste of your time, for not being as damn perfect as you, for following my heart and only thinking about myself and him, and mostly im sory that you are angry with me i cant do anything about it and i dont know how to change i just hope that you realise that lifes too short to hold grudges and be mad at people expesialy your best friend, Im sorry i disapointed you Again and again.

But im not sory to anyone for being me, i have faults just as much as the next person and i can accept that and learn from my mistakes i dont need anyone giving me a hard time about it.

Current Mood:

crappy

» No Matter where the road may lead me... I wont be afraid

Other entries

u told me to get my ass into gear so i am now stop being a mean moo cow bronwyn. I have been feeling very fuken high and low over the past couple of weeks i cant even keep up with my crazy emotions.

You came along out of the blue and now i cant forget about you, the more i think about you the more i fall, how bloody hilariouse. Why is it that my feelings have an annoying ability to come and go as quick as the weekends? HHmmn i wonder.
I realy appreciated your support today Carm, you are the most beautiful free spirited person i have met and your right its all in the angels.

Im going down a beautiful path of life at the moment, each day i learn to love, share, care, cry, be empathetic and appreciate all the small things in life i have never done anything more right in my whole existance and for the first time in my life im proud of myself i have succedded mission impossible so fuck off all you critics. Give me a challenge just try and make me fail because its not going to happen, every step back i take is a lesson and ill always learn so beat that.......

Things have a funny way of changing so please accept it and keep mooving there is no point we dwell on the past and the way things were because even though we can pick and bitter its not going to make any of us feel any better. So my darlings i love you all and you will always remain in my heart the memories we once shared were so very special, and im shore we have plenty more to come as long as we remember S.P.C
May. 17th, 2005 @ 05:03 pm

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» Im in a bloody big rut

i honestly feel as if im in a huge rut and every time i seem to come nearly out of it more soil sinks away and i fall deeper, im anticipating when ill be able to see the sky againi realy hope its soon because my eyesight is truly geting lost in the clouds.
When will it start and when will it ever finish.
I cant wait im so excited
Im scared to death and i worry constantly.
My worries are causing a horrible frow kline some call wrinkles.
I dont like you or you and dont worry i realy dont like you but you all interest me intensily, will these new interests blossum or will they fade?

Sometimes when things arent going right
it can be hard to see beyond today
To believe in the promise of tomorrow
But if youll just keep looking for that new dawn,
And remmbering how deeply others care for you
I know you will find much better days ahead

Quoted for both you and i>
I spoke to her today i didnt realy enjoy it but does that cancel the fact out that i spoke to her?

I was down not to my lowesst but pretty far down and you pushed me further and further.

I told my dad i was going to start working as a escort lady and he didnt sleep that night he thort i was seriouse so what did he do to try and make me feel better about being permanetly broke and in debt? He paid my car insurance for me ..........How lovely yere i thort so untill i realised he paid for it out of my own money argh class act hey.
Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 05:53 pm

» how am i supposed to sleep now

i have found my passion, what makes my blood rise my heart sink and my emotions boil. I find myself so engrossed and fascinated but yet at the same time my heart breaks and tears well up in my eyes. Can this be right i realy am not shore. There beautiful yet such sad faces honestly breaks my heart i want to do something reach out my arm and help holpd them in my arms and take them all home to a safer place but i cant all i can do is stupid office work with them i want to be out there doing something in the midst of all the pain and trauma making a difference just by looking at pictures of them withering away too nothing that false smile they have apon there faces i can see such beauty and srengt i wish i could be there tho so far away i want to help them it ill help me. Im passion for them.
Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 10:04 pm

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today i felt excited for some reason, i was at work doing the same old boring shit that i do everytime i go there, feeling the same kind of frustration rise up inside of me at the smallest thing.......that place is sending me mad, and for some reason i got excitd i think it was about the future im not realy shore.i am on a mission... but im not going to voice what it is because everytime i do then i never stick to it, i have decided i hate competition i dunno y i guess because i always loose.ink i need to have a what to do list and pin it up in my room because i have a major problem at gtting around to things,,,,,,following in my Father Mr Gunna's footsteps i suppose. It was a good night last night tho i was wondering what u were doing but it was fun i got the giggles then i got the allergies then i left. well ciao for now
Jan. 9th, 2005 @ 05:49 pm

» (No Subject)
i hat working at macds so much its the strongest feeling of hate i posses. Why cant the perfect job be out there for me because this job is turning me bitter and angry. And if u have a problem with me please tell me instead of telling my friends about it ur all pathetic Lozs right there just little fish in a big fuken sea. Jan. 7th, 2005 @ 05:09 pm (Leave a comment)

» Life goes on.

i had a great night last night and i prooved to myself that i could go out amongst drunks and still have a good time, Loz, Yank, Mat, Bron, Ez and i went to the Beza last night and to my delight we saw Mel twins Pat and Sara there it was realy good and as i nominated myself to be the driver i didnt drink because i am flat broke so i thort id better just drive and im realy glad i did coz i had a ausome time thanks Mat ur a great fool i had fun. bron got spastic and tried to walk of with some guys Emo guys which she found herself after all night man she was funny but unfortunatley i felt it my duty as being the only sober one to stop her as she needed to have her needle. and she told the guys she was trying to go with that i was a "silly fussy" Ta Bron. I got out of the night Free bron paid for my drinks the others gave me petrol money and the others all bought my drinks. I wasnt going to go out because i was bloody depressed about my enta score i realy worked hard all year and for what ? A little above average!!! story of my life i ind it so not fair that some people can work thier asses of for something and stil get no where and then there are others who are naturaly gifted in that area. O wel thats life i guess. I have been working heaps latley im picking up every shift possible because i am soo broke pay day was yesterday and already im down to my last 20 i had to pay of some people and things. Not cool at all. I miss my friends all of them even my acquaintences from school its strange not havi them around all the time.
Dec. 15th, 2004 @ 03:13 pm

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» Do u Dare i think not.

it hasnt hit me yet that part of my journey has been completed. I made a list of things that were coming up and what i needed to get through nd befor i realised it, all the events on that list had past, i remember anticipating valedictory dinner and thinking presentation night it will be finished and yt htese things along with schoolies have been and gone they have been great but i feel as though they passed by to quickly and i have nothing to remember them by. were all drifting and we all know it whats they point of holding on when we are all to fucking selfish and caught up in our own lives there i said it thats the truth but.
Dec. 6th, 2004 @ 09:41 pm

If everything happens for a reason then why do such good people get hurt and die, if everything happens for a reason them why am i here and your not. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason more than anything but sometimes i hear such horrific things that happens to innocent people that i begin to wonder. Where is my specific plan leading me ? my plans are so big my dreams so real and they can all be taken away from me so easily.
Nov. 9th, 2004 @ 10:06 pm

» Ride On

i swore i wouldnt bleed but dont shut me out, dont pretend i dont exist because we both no i do. Ive realised that nobody wants to play my little game of lets be happy families. Looks like ill be playing on my own. Once again you choose him over ur friends but i understand i still love you, i cant believe im going to get a full leg wax tomoz ouch i am not looking forward to it. i have lots of plans for the future and here they are not in order tho, travel the world, Work in a developing poor country for some type of aid with people, maybee world vision or Aus aid or something, work at Hamond Island as a maid or something for anyear, and go the the Australian College of Natural medicine and study. Hmm im looking forward to the future. Today iam isnt it strange the way my moods change so much i cant even keep up with what mood im in argh i hate instability and im the Queen of it.
Nov. 8th, 2004 @ 10:25 pm

» Is it realy all that difficult

I hate you for this you know, i dont know who exactly i blame but i blame all of you, why dont you wont to get along? Its realy not that hard to do. It breaks my heart im seeing it all over again it broke me last time now it just hurts. I love you all so increadibly much but i am on a different wave length, why cant you except me for me and him for him x2? Why cant you believe in me as much as i believe in my self. I have found my passion and who cares if its not you. And please your hurting me , STOP taking it out on me, i cant take it any more, dramatic as i may sound i cant bare with it any more, i take away what ever permission you think you have to use ur physical strength over me. I bleed no more you hear that. i wont cry tis time i wont plead and swear ill fight. See i will not take abuse of any form in the way of you me or any one else. I feel beter now because i feel my strength emerging i will no longer stand in the middle of all you what am i talking about i love and care about you too much to walk away.
Nov. 6th, 2004 @ 02:35 pm

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» Welcome sweet December its time

Well six years of high schooling is going to be parshily tested tomorow, i have my English exam. Not nervouse at all lol. Well i have been thinking about what im going to do next year and if i have to work for a year to save for my Uni fees so be it, but i want to gain life experiance out of it also and not just float for a year, im thinking seriously about applying for a flight attendant position with Virgin, why not travel a little and get paid good money for it at the same time. Who knows realy.

I dont know weather you knew it was me today but you are seriously fu*cked in the head you have problems and dont you dear try and threat me i cant believe how someone can just lie straight through there teeth the way you do. What ever i have nothing to do with you any more go on live your life as long as im not in it im happy.

I feel as though your close, i can almost feel the happieness im going to feel when you arive, i can feel your skin and if im quiet enough i can hear you breathing.

The end is so close but i have decided its going to be a new begining i cant wait my life is just about to realy start, just dont lead me in the wrong directoin.
Oct. 28th, 2004 @ 08:57 pm

» its been a while

study,study,stdy this word is constantly wringing in my ears, so much to do and so little time. I feel as though im taking it to easy though i dont feel as though im under breaking point pressure as yr 12s are made out to be, but it hasnt been like that at all. I feel like a part of me is mising at the fact i will never go back to school again except for my exams, its weird but i no after this year we all have to move on, i wll miss many people but also i wont miss many if that makes sense, well thanks Kels for the new page much beter, that photo looks very old fashioned, well must be of to hit the books once again.
Oct. 27th, 2004 @ 10:17 am

You are driving me crazy, i am out of my mind and you are but, unreachable. The timing is so wrong for me and you, but despite the fact that there are so many extraneous variables i cant help but feel so much for you. My feelings are pure, sweet and tender but yet i believe them to be so true, i just want to yell it out at the top of my lungs at how much i adore you. I cant look you in the eye and tell you i wont, because i fear that i will be lying to you, which is something i never wont to do. You undoubtly make me laugh but what surprised me emensly is that the way you make me smile. Ha the underdog i have finaly found you. When i walked in to the room this morning and saw ur goofy face and your hearty voice the smile was strangely implanted on my face, what the hell am i going through?
I tried to wipe it of but i couldnt, does that mean something. I want to be able to tell you how i realy feel but its not right at the moment so will you wait or will you not? i would never ask that but know that my heart doesnt belong to him, even though my actions dont resemble that remark.
Aug. 12th, 2004 @ 06:24 pm

» tell me who is.. that girl

im not going to be the girl whos life is over befor it has started, im not going to sit around and wait until that day you realise, that i was here all along because even though i may seem origional and not adequete thats simply not true and the day i reach where im meant to go i wont even turn around to look at you, any of you, why because you dont care, youve never cared and you never will untill you awaken and realise where all not here for ever and we do all mean something more than a solid rock, your so caught up in your high and mighty its great to be me life, and when the current begins to change your tide is fully out. The most painful part is that you will never realise how much of a self centered arogant f##### you are, and no amount of my love concern or care will ever be enough, you are not the only one here who bleeds, reality check we all do.
Now you are one of those who like to blame it all on others, why cant you admit that you may have actualy hurt someone ok your not always in the right, when i try and express to you the problem you cant even take it in and try to understand you have to blame others to make your sef feel better well i have had enough no more of the lion world ok.
Man when i spoke to you last night i hated you yet i wanted you so bad then i made the mistake of closing my eyes , there you were in all your glory, you know exactly how to play me and yet i will still call you babey, I hate that you make me forget all my morals and not care but i hate the way after your gone im left feeling like a complete fool, and only you will bring me out of this depth because only you can make me feel like this and i hate the fact that you know how much power you have over me.
If only we werent all so human
Aug. 7th, 2004 @ 06:17 pm

i feel like a total fool, i lost control and now im paying the price for it. I did something cruel to the mind. I should have stayed home, man im a idiot and im scared now, im over it all and im sick of shit and im tired and completley hung over, Bless Bron for taking care of me and Bless Erin for being the sweet little soal she is and taking me home and staying with me for the night, then taking me to the moovies today to chear me up. Thamks girls.
i dont think cask wine and i are a good mix i think ill steer clear of that for a while. mmmnnn goo idear
Jul. 25th, 2004 @ 05:29 pm